Author: VisionaryExtraordinaire

Culture Shock within America

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The Trump supporter I talked with today was a laid back, small town chiropractor in liberal, upstate New York. He munched a sandwich while I inquired about his Trump flag and Trump t-shirt pinned to the office waiting room wall. Clearly he felt this improved his business to have his opinions publicly displayed. It made me curious about this little town where the differences in political beliefs can change dramatically from one doorway to another.

I asked him “You are a Trump supporter?”

“Yup” he replied casually.

“I’m curious about why you are a Trump supporter today?”

“For patriotism.”

I nod my head knowing there is no easy way to continue the conversation and I don’t have time to debate the definition of patriotism.

“Are you a liberal?” he inquires.

“I don’t think of myself as one way or the other.” I respond.

He nods his head and proclaims, “You’re a liberal. You have to be.”

And there it is. The shut down that prevents people from talking. I don’t have time, he has his assumptions. From the looks of it on the surface, I’m not sure any amount of time would change his mind.

“I’m bothered by the ethics and the greed for the top 20%” I say as he gently touches my shoulder and turns me toward the door. “That’s the main issue for me, the ethics and the greed.”

He nods as I walk outside, his face exposing his search for a response to my statement. Unable to find one, he turns and walks back in his shop.  Maybe he is of the same mind as I am, it isn’t possible to have this discussion in a short, few minutes. Maybe he also thinks I have stuck assumptions about him.

I wish I could have stayed, sat in his plastic, red padded chairs and leaped into the cultural differences that now are apparent from neighbor to neighbor, storefront to storefront in this country. It’s hard to realize many people are not even close to your belief system. Before November 2016, many of us woke up each morning knowing the country we lived in, that our fellow Americans held the same ethical and moral beliefs. After November 2016, many Americans woke with a realization of the rising anger and hatred, fear and worry released into our beloved American dream.

Even though the American mind is fractured and unsure, we must breathe deeply and remember the common dreams we do share for this country. Even if we can’t change minds in a short time, I still think it beneficial to have the conversation because there are  basic beliefs we all share – the right to liberty, to live our lives as we see fit, the freedom to move ourselves forward with opportunities, that in the long run justice will prevail.

We may see the avenues to liberty, freedom and justice differently but we all hold those ideals close to our hearts whether liberal, conservative, libertarian or green party. Don’t let the descriptions by the media color your view of different groups. Talk to the people next to you. Listen to understand. Clarify your own thinking around your beliefs.

Take those fractured thoughts and see where they connect. Build on those connections. Hug your liberal or conservative or libertarian neighbor today. And breathe.

Fog Not Smog

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Fall brings the turn of the leaves, crisp air and sometimes fog, winding in and out of autumn trees, laying low in mountain meadows or hovering over lakes and bays. A silky, soft white fog mimics how the path in life can sometimes be obscured and the way forward can be hard to see. Just as the fog appears to block our progress, life can feel unclear, uncertain with no discernible way to go.

Fog may feel uncomfortable, scary even, but only because we hold on to the belief we should always be in control, always know what’s going on, always know which way to turn. It seems a problem, a thing to fix or fight to be had to get rid of the unknown.

When we accept the unknown as a steady part of life, it becomes a normal occurrence, sometimes confusing and unsure of which way to turn, but a natural way to slow down, be more thoughtful and pay more attention. In these circumstances, moving forward with care, with openness, slowly, watching for what feels right is the solution.

Where fog is part of nature, there is a problem made by humans which can only be resolved by humans. It’s an environment of ugly, dangerous smog which today is thick and choking the life out of America, a haze which seems to be covering our country in a toxic, unhealthy blanket, smothering anything that is good, riling all that is noxious, hurt, vulnerable, fearful and angry as it travels, pulling all into it’s appalling clutches. The smog is insidious, lurking, finding it’s way into the homes of average Americans, telling lies, grooming unaware people for it’s greedy purposes.

I think many people feel lost right now, caught in a trap with no apparent way to escape. Yes, the path is obscured, but whether it’s hidden by fog or smog makes a huge difference in how you deal with the stuckness. How can you tell if you are enveloped in fog or smog? Which way to turn? The answer is actually pretty easy to figure out. Look at how you feel. If your foggy path is yearning to express love, compassion and empathy, if the fog feels velvet, smooth and caring, you’re fog is part of nature and you are on the path to making the world a better place.

If your path harbors anger, hatred or fear, if you are shunning large groups of people, fearful because of where they come from or the color of their skin, if you are worried about those you aren’t buying into your version of life, you have been coopted, likely unaware, into the smog. It can be hard to tell because the story is believed to be true by so many of your friends and you see people on TV and the radio expressing your same views. If you listen carefully though, you’ll hear the fear, the anger, the worry the world will be destroyed unless everyone comes to your way of thinking. Many Americans are heavy in the smog today.

There may be people who are well educated, seemingly reasonable folks, but listen carefully, what is their message? If it is one of fear, of certainty they have the answers, if only everyone would do what they want – run the other way. Life does not work that way. Solutions are always trial and error. Find those who do not have all the answers but know how to be successful while championing the values of caring and inclusion, where the road forward is built with compassion. Clear out the fear of the smog and embrace the mystery of the fog.

Be sure to know, history shows, the sun always comes out eventually. We hope for sooner rather than later, and yet, at times the fog seems to last forever, but, the sun does come out. The sun is always there, it’s only obscured from view.

The path is one step at a time, with love.

One Change Would Fix America

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America has one problem. That sounds crazy, I know, but when you really get this one problem, you see how it bleeds into and controls everything. This one problem is – Ethics. Ethical tenets are the moral lens through which we make decisions about how to act and interact. We are completely lost in this country because we bought into a false story early in the 20th century. We moved from connected neighborhoods and towns that understood morals, values, family and community to disconnected, distracted individuals, traumatized and focused on the one thing believed to bring happiness –  Money. We threw out the ethics to find security only to discover we gave away the very thing we were looking for.

This is a cycle that can be seen throughout human history. One where power and greed combine to bring down one great nation after another. It’s happening again. Before your very eyes. Can you see it? It starts slowly and because we are a trusting lot, we assume people have our best interest at heart, we are like the frog in a pot on low heat, and America is about to get to the boiling point.

Those left who trust the current congress and administration are truly deluded into the powerful-and-rich-have-my-back story, fiercely defending the unethical actions as it’s just how it has to be. The powerful, rich people in charge of congress today often say one thing but do another. The ideas of collaboration, discussion and decision making based in deeply held values, so important to most Americans, seems to be a way of the long ago past. Americans want a system that takes our values into account, and on many of these values, the vast majority of Americans agree. Take these examples –

  • The financial district is set up to keep businesses safe. The rules and regulations protect corporations from being responsible for their risky behavior. Americans want the average person and the mom and pop stores to survive.
  • Companies going bankrupt pay suppliers first and retirement funds last. Americans want retirees protected.
  • Drug companies are not responsible for side effects that may permanently damage your quality of life. Americans want to know risks and be assisted when the worst happens.
  • Drug companies are allowed to push products such as opioids without regulation or supervision. Americans want the government to hold businesses to the medical ethic of first, do no harm.
  • Major corporations, such as oil companies with huge profits, garner government subsidies and tax breaks. Americans want corporations to pay their fair share.
  • The wealthiest of Americans are provided tax loop holes so they don’t pay taxes. Again, Americans just want a fair system.
  • Sole proprietor businesses are the cheapest to start but are also the easiest to sue with the least amount of protections.  Rather, the people in our government should encourage the safer LLC or even safer SCorp by making them the least expensive to start.
  • Tobacco companies are not required to stop selling their product or pay for the healthcare to repair the damage clearly connected by study after study on effected consumers. Americans do not want to pay the bill for a product that we know is lethal.
  • Global warming is downplayed in order to maintain profits over the health of our environment. Americans want clean water, air and land.
  • The people in our government today are jamming through their agenda without bipartisanship. Americans want politicians to work together.
  • Quality education, healthcare and jobs are hit and miss for the majority of Americans while the wealthy continue to pass the best of each within their tight knit group. Americans believe in an excellent public education, good paying jobs and quality healthcare.
  • Food quality is hidden, standards are loosened, and companies prepare food based on profits rather than health. Americans want healthy food.
  • The NRA, as main marketing firm for the gun manufacturers, creates fear and spreads misinformation in order to maintain record profits at the expense of American lives every day. The majority of Americans are clear on gun safety priorities for our society such as longer waiting periods and better systems for background checks when purchasing a gun as well as no guns for domestic violence cases or felons. These safety measures are ignored by a congress that does not need to be responsive to the American people.
  • The government has also banned studies on gun use and death by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Americans want solutions based in science.
  • The people in the government create confusion regarding the role of the press in the democratic process claiming reliable news sources as fake news. Americans want robust and accurate news sources.
  • The government is unbalanced with inexperienced, financial sector or racist members in the highest of offices. Americans want to be world leaders, showing the way using the best of democratic principles.

Ethics being the principles that govern a persons behavior based on values we hold dear in this country, would be the antidote to all of the above. Justice, freedom, generosity and integrity are just some of the avenues to holding an attitude of benefitting not only oneself but also society as a whole.

I know it seems impossible to affect a change but I know the secret to accomplishing this goal. Ready? It’s really very simple. We must come together and demand it. Simple but hard since you are going to need to give up your unwillingness to see any other point of view. However easy it is for you to do that, is how easy it will be to make this change.

You are in charge of the transformation of yourself and therefore the country when you drop your righteousness and listen. Every day Americans have so much more in common than we have been lead to believe. Search your heart. Your love and compassion knows no bounds. Allow that love to overcome your need to have it your way alone and see what happens.

This is how we save America.

Useful Definition of Hate Groups

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Hate groups: A cult comprised of people that cope with their fear by wrapping it up in a righteousness that blames others for their losses, real or imagined. The cult is usually headed by a leader who is narcissistic, controlling and in need of devotion. Those leaders prey on people who are lost and vulnerable.

People are sometimes so deeply afraid they are unable to see beyond their own fallacies. The stories of our families and communities run deep, from generation to generation, and as a result can be difficult to dispel especially when there are other factors that propel a person to a hate group such as a history of trauma, mental illness, addiction and a learned helplessness in an authoritarian environment.

People are sucked in with positive words such as patriotism, freedom, faith, moral, and right. These are words many believe in, cherish and strive to live by and yet we struggle with which avenue is the right way. Is the way one of love? Lately love seems powerless in the face of hatred as we watch people become co-opted by groups that spread fear, anger and loathing. Why doesn’t it seem obvious to those who get caught up? Perhaps, because they  grew up surrounded by fear, anger and hatred, so for them, it seems normal.

Much of the internet is obsessed with identifying Charlottesville white supremacists so they will be fired from their jobs. I get it. Punish them. Beat them down. This may seem like a great idea, but it’s not working. Since these groups function like a cult, they inculcate new members, usually young men, and feed them stories, fuel their rage and then turn them loose to create havoc in the world. It’s all very satisfying to have a righteous story of oppression and we play right into their hands when we respond with the knee jerk reaction such as losing your job.

Sometimes people ‘outed’ on the internet claim to be contrite and strive to find a better way. If true, these are the folks on the fringe, more easily reached and therefore maybe it is useful to publicly expose their faulty thinking. Then again, as with anything on the internet, how do we know the results of our actions?

Consider a police officer in Springfield, MA, Officer Conrad Lariviere who wrote on Facebook about the Charlottesville woman being run over by a white supremacist terrorist: ‘Hahahaha love this, maybe people shouldn’t block road ways.’ When confronted, Lariviere stated he’s a “good man who made a stupid comment.”

The lack of empathy and inability to see why that comment is more than just stupid is a major part of the problem. Even though Officer Lariviere may regret being caught, he may not regret the sentiment. He may lose his job and could see the loss of his job as just more evidence of how oppressive society has become. It could drive him closer to the dark, deep underground, which then creates an even greater eruption when hatred spews into the light of day again.

Maybe Officer Lariviere needs to lose his job as he clearly cannot treat people fairly, but maybe something else needs to happen as well. How do we keep Officer Lariviere moving toward the light of day? I think it can only happen with patience, persistence and a passion for connection and understanding. We need to understand how Officer Lariviere got to a place where that comment was funny.

White supremacists have emerged in the approving light of Donald Trump. The hope is to gain acceptance by using the media to promote their agenda. How to they accomplish their goals? Websites. Radio. Television. Friendly, family oriented feel. You are a part of our group. We will stand by you no matter what. You do that for us, no matter what. Loyalty. Then rally and demonstrate. In the last two, they hope for violence from the countergroup so they can prove that the left-sided, liberal fascists are really the problem. When we meet the racists where they are at, we lose. We give them the drama and destruction the media loves to report. This only plays into their hands. Clearly meeting hate with hate is not the answer.

So, what is the alternative? You’re going to think I’ve sniffed a too many flowers, drunk too much love potion and sung Kumbaya around the campfire too many times, but, yes, the solution is to reach out in love.

What do I mean by that? I don’t mean the usual definition by some of bleeding hearts with hands full of tax payer cash to give to able bodied people. Some ideas are to –

  • Counter white supremacy demonstrations with ‘Stand Ins’ or ‘Sing Ins’ where people come to a protest or rally silently, stand a few feet apart from each other but in a group, in peaceful contrast to the hate spewing from the demonstrators. There would be no interaction, they may even be blocks or more apart. People would have compassion and love in their hearts for the demonstrators and hold an intention for a solution to the hatred they are viewing, sing songs of coming together or maybe recite poems and prayers. The idea is to be a peaceful, loving presence.
  • Start information campaigns to distribute accurate data regarding the issues in our society and how they might be overcome if we work together. Find or start an organization that either through technology or by campaigning door to door in small groups, aims to learn from people their issues and offers information for solving problems.
  • Insist your school district have civics curriculum and educate regarding all the ‘isms’ starting in elementary school. Require education in what it means to be a citizen and how a citizen fulfills their role in a democracy.
  • Call advertisers of racist websites, radio or other media to let them know you are boycotting their product and telling all the people you can reach to do the same. If the sources of information are disrupted or disappear, there is less opportunity for the cult leaders to find victims.

Ultimately, the answer lies in your own ability to calm, breathe, and move from a place of connection to yourself, the planet and her inhabitants. Look into your own hatred, righteousness and fear to see how you can find love. How will you express that love into the world? For, surely, now is the time.

 

 

Love for Life over Fear

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“Love of life itself for the world around you can get you to let go of fear, as a loving act. You let go for the sake of all beings.” Adyashanti

When the world is overwhelming, and yes, it is so overwhelming, slow down and look around. There are people you love, animals you love, trees bursting with greenery, flowers promising the blossoming of life. The sun is bestowing it’s warmth, a soft breeze reminds you of a kindness in the air. Water shines the reflection of that warmth and love. Even as you drive through awful traffic, music accompanies you. Allowing a car in front of you, warms you with your own generosity.

Even as you deal with work, with difficult people, with bad news, pull in a deep breath of love, send out compassion and care. Expand your ability to love over the little annoyances, exercise the kindness muscles until you can find your way to love those you disagree with, those you find contemptible.

The world is large, full of dark and light, sad and happy, tragic and joyous. Lean toward the light, the happy, the joyous. Pull others with you like the rising tide of a tsunami obliterating the cruelty deep within our souls. Powerful love can overwhelm any detractor.

Turn your overwhelm into love.

 

One Thing

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There is one thing Americans need now more than ever if we are to survive the current times. It’s a characteristic long admired in our country. It was demonstrated time and again by Hollywood legend John Wayne who embodies this word. Every action film is based on this quality. It is familiar to us all, but we may not believe we have it.

Grit.

The good news is you don’t need to limp, full of bullet holes, through the gauntlet to get the bad guy.  You only need follow your heart, your questions, and find persistence. There is a formula for how to do this.

Angela Lee Duckworth, a teacher turned psychologist, has a TED talk and book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, which details what factors determine whether a student, or people in general, will succeed or fail. Grit, as it turns out, is more important than talent and IQ.

Let’s use this model to see how we might change our political circumstances. Each of us has a part to play in putting America right again. It may be an outer action or a more internal process but it’s important we each find our way. Many hands make light work and we need all hands on deck. Think about what is most troublesome to you about this new administration as you go through the four steps. It goes like this…

  1. Look at what fascinates you. There are questions that bounce around your brain, that may leave for a time, but always return. They will generally be ‘what’, ‘how’, and ‘why’ questions. Why do people do that? What makes this work? How does a person… ? There are many Americans wondering about how we got into this current political climate. What are the civic questions that pull at you?
  2. Decide on a question to answer and keep it a daily focus. Every day apply the skills and ideas you have to uncovering the reasons for what fascinates you. Continue to expand your skills, find answers and improve your personal best from one day to the next.
  3. Make a connection between your question and how it fits with the greater good. If, for example, your burning question is to understand the ‘other guy’ you could do it for yourself and leave it there or you could also help others around you understand the ‘other guy’. When our passions have a greater purpose, we tend to have more grit.
  4. Remember your brain is able to grow and change no matter your age. Recent science shows the brain is not fixed but always able to improve. Take heart your passions are something you can develop and build on. You are capable of your hearts desire and your abilities will improve over time with consistent effort.

Learning to stick with something is the One Thing that signals success in children and adults. It does not mean you have to stay with something if you lose passion, but do stick with something even if it seems too hard to accomplish. I know today’s America seems impossible and so scary, but we do have the capability to create the country we want to live in.

For me, ideas are my strong suit, writing is the passion I am developing and working on every day to get those ideas out in an effort to make the world a better place for everyone, specifically at this time, the America I hold so dear to my heart. I’m hoping to persist, to hold true to my fascinations and my faith, that I can achieve my goal.

Breathe deeply, focus on your passions, take time and energy to find the answers. This is the key to getting America back on track. I have faith in you.

 

Here is a short explanation of Duckworth’s findings.

 

Here is a longer interview from Google –

The Proper Care and Feeding of Facebook

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Would you like to protect yourself and avoid being controlled by those who may not have your best interest at heart? With clearer information on how we have been (and continue to be)  manipulated, it’s time to make some needed changes in how you interact with Facebook (FB).

I remember some years ago, FB asked me if I agreed with the statement, ‘Facebook cares about me’. I responded with ‘Strongly Disagree’ because of the policy to sell my information, to change my settings – often to a more public option – without my permission and the lack of care on how that information might be used against me. Since then I occasionally get a message from FB saying “Because we care about you, here is a memory you posted last year.” or  a prompt to check my privacy settings. These ‘memory’  posts are randomly selected so the relevance is hit or miss. I have had FB select a friend and the pictures in the little video don’t match. It’s a mess and it’s too little too late.

Contrary to these attestations of caring about me, FB is a business that cares about profits and stock prices. It can’t be about you and your life. I don’t think there is a malevolent intent but there is a malevolent result. Mark Zuckerberg is managing a behemoth that has a mind of its own and he runs it under his own belief system that is likely insulated from and out of touch with the average American life.

As you already realize, when you get something for ‘free’, you are paying in one way or another. On FB you are paying by handing over your personal data. Every click, like and share tells them about you. Every survey you complete, every test you take, any and all actions give them more and more data. Many of the “I bet no one will share this” or “I know which of my friends will respond” is just a manipulation to get you to click. Don’t fall for it. This data doesn’t stay with FB, it is sold and used by countless organizations some with your best interest in mind, some with intentions to engineer what you believe about the world to their advantage.

In the beginning, this was used for advertising by FB, Google and all other internet providers. It was creepy to have an ad come up from something you sent in an email, but, we got use to that. It is utterly wrong that now this information is spread around the world unscrupulously and into the hands of some very disturbed people who use it to manipulate our thinking, feelings and how we see each other. Time to make a change.

  1. Go through your ‘Likes’ to weed out any person or site you are not sure is legitimate. This will be many or most of your likes. If someone wants to know what you like, get together, have a cup of tea or go for a walk and chat in person. Remember that? If they are far away, talk on the phone, write a snail mail letter or go for a visit. You deserve the vacation.
  2. Go through your friend list and do likewise. Unless you are a band, or a writer, or a something that you want to promote, there is no reason to have friends you don’t know. It was a cool thing to say I have 634 or 1015 friends, as if that said something about how likable you are. We are all over that now, right? Let them go.
  3. Do not get your news from FB ‘Unlike’ all or most of your news preferences. If you get your news from FB, it is skewed to what you want to hear. It is very important to pay for a subscription to an international, national, city and local newspaper, to visit their website to see all the news they believe is fit to print. Visit legitimate news organizations with differing viewpoints. You need to see all the happenings, not just what FB deems you need to know. Realize this is a manipulation to keep you coming back and clicking, outraged, interested, learning, some of it is good, but it is incomplete to say the least. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled. If you can’t afford to pay for subscriptions, do your best to visit a wide variety of news websites and ensure they are legitimate with real, live journalists.
  4. Facebook functions like a casino where time stands still, likes of your posts are affirming and the lure of dopamine lurks in the stories you love to read. The whole idea is to keep you on FB, scrolling, clicking and possibly purchasing. The longer you are on, the more they will get to know you, what you want and sell you something whether it be that bicycle built for two you were checking out or the next president of the United States. There are no clocks, no changes as time flies. Set aside a time of day or day of the week for FB. You don’t need more than 15 minutes if you have reduced your feed to just your friends. Break the addiction, move on to something useful such as going for a walk, talking to a friend in person or reading a book. Turn off all notifications on your devices to keep from being drawn back in.
  5. Facebook is for connecting and seeing what your friends are thinking. It can be about posting a news article you believe will be beneficial for your friends. It is about seeing what your friends are up to but remember FB tends to get just the good parts of our lives. Few people post the bad and the ugly and I appreciate it when they do, but remember, FB is tallying your thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes to make a profile to keep you logged in and scrolling. Think about that when you post.

Ignore the hype, the sensationalism, the lure of fake news that is so prevalent on FB. Hone in on your friends. Think about every click. Better yet, head outdoors, talk to your neighbors. There’s a whole big world out there waiting for you.

Congress Votes with Lobbyists

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Congress rarely votes for their constituents. Think about that. Issues important to the American people are rarely discussed in a meaningful way. Open and ethical debates are a thing of the distant past. Legislation is written by corporations and handed to congresspeople to be voted into law. Does this benefit the average American? No.

What Americans Want

Most Americans want tax reform to assist the poor and middle class.

Most Americans want healthcare at an affordable cost.

Most Americans want choice for women about their own bodies.

Most Americans want waiting periods to buy guns. Also, for convicted violent felons, potential terrorists and domestic violence offenders to be denied the ability to purchase a gun at all.

Most Americans want to stop lobbying.

Most Americans want Citizens United gone, gerrymandering fixed and campaign finance reform.

Why doesn’t this happen? Because we, the people, have lost our ability to vote out any poorly performing representative. We have to keep a careful balance of democrat and republican because ethics have gone by the wayside, democratic controls have been eroded and we can’t risk upsetting the precarious apple cart. And they know we will not vote them out, so they don’t have to bother with what we want.

We Need Brave Congresspeople

The issues listed above would greatly improve the lives of all Americans, not just the top 20%. If we want these issues to become a reality, we must put consistent and intense pressure on the most likely representatives and senators willing to enact this legislation. Look for organizations like the ACLU, the League of Women Voters and others specific to these issues to support in this endeavor. Send emails and make phone calls regularly to those congresspeople you think will listen and keep talking about the top three ways to support democratic principles – Citizens United, Gerrymandering, Campaign Finance Reform.

Together we are much stronger than any corporation. We must only believe it. Act on it.