politics

#MeToo, Meet Your History

/ mmtichenor / Leave a comment

Take the story of Nancy who began a job at a top law firm, fresh out of school, excited and ready to test out her abilities in the real world. A story we have heard all to often becomes a reality for her when it becomes clear her boss will require her to “socialize” with him, read: sleep with him, if she wants to keep her job. Nancy certainly doesn’t want to comply, but doesn’t want to jeopardize this opportunity. She worries this boss will blackball her from any top organization.

Thinking there must be a way out, she turns to an older woman at the firm and is shocked to discover this woman met the demands of the same man at the beginning of her career. She had no advice, felt there was nothing to be done. If Nancy wants the job, she has to play the game.

Upset and angry, Nancy decides to confront her boss and demand he leave her alone. Chuckling, her boss insists these are her only choices, agree or be fired. Nancy escapes home to think, spending the afternoon frantically trying to figure a way out. This is not as easy as just quitting, besides jeopardizing her career path, she is desperate for money, her toddler is dependent on her with no help from the father.

Under threat of being evicted, her heart sinks as she concedes defeat, needing a paycheck until a new job releases her from this hell.  She holds out hope she will be able to keep her boss at bay for as long as possible. Nauseous with disgust, she starts to leave for the office grabbing the mail as she goes out.

Nancy stops dead in her tracks when she sees a letter from her ex-husband and assumes it is a child support check. Her heart soars, relieved, she rips open the letter but it has no money and he explains it won’t for the foreseeable future.  At this point, Nancy realizes she would have gone to the law office and said no if there had been money in the envelope, top job be damned. She then decides to turn down the job even though this will make her life impossible on so many levels. She’ll find something temporary, even if not a job as an attorney, to pay the bills.

Nancy returns to the office and defiantly informs her boss she will not be his mistress. As she turns to walk out, the boss chuckles again and calls her back. He smiles and says, well you can’t blame a guy for trying. He tells her she still has her job and get back to work. Nancy smiles, says yes sir, and gratefully goes out the door.

Wait, what??

Is that a shocking ending to this story? Does the whole story seem off? That is because this story is from an episode of Family titled ‘Expectations’ that aired on Dec 7, 1978. As I publish this post on the 39th anniversary, two fascinating realizations –

  1. We’ve been talking about this for a very long time
  2. Women grinning through gritted teeth, while working in a hostile environment, is finally beginning to enter mainstream America as an outrageous circumstance. One that now, potentially, publicly, has major consequences.

It’s almost a half century since that episode played into the homes all over America showing what slow learners we can be. The 1970’s took on the tough issues of the day. Brave producers created shows such as All in the Family, M*A*S*H, Wonder Woman, Mary Tyler Moore, Good Times, The Jeffersons and Welcome Back Kotter, tackling racism, sexism and promoting inclusive values. Yes, there was plenty of drivel, but these shows were talking about cancer, homelessness, war, sexual identity, alcoholism and family problems. These episodes look out of sync with the progress we have made and yet, painfully, we see these issues still rage on.

Brava TV

A year later, in January of 1979, Family aired an episode where Nancy finds out her fiancé, who runs her sons day care center, is a recovering pedophile. What an amazing time the 70’s were to tackle issues most Americans find repugnant and impossible to think about. In 1979 there was no public registration for offenders, this man could work anywhere, and the episode never mentions the inappropriateness of his being in charge of a building full of children. But when Nancy can’t trust him around her little sister, they break up and he moves away. It’s hard to imagine there were no controls then to keep children safe. We have made some good strides in this arena. We have a long way to go.

#MeToo

#MeToo has brought this conversation to light in a new way. More people seem to be getting it, realizing the lack of respect and outright denigration women face daily. Tough consequences are airing publicly as powerful men are falling in large numbers. Men are suddenly racking their brains for when they might have been out of line ‘all in fun’.

The conversation is now about how to determine the lines, or if there should even be any, maybe it’s pass/fail, zero tolerance, but I think more helpful than cutting people off is to continue the conversation and create meaningful actions. Criminal activity needs zero tolerance. Beyond that, what would help men understand the blind spots?  What is better than Sensitivity Training often scoffed at by those who are required to participate? What would help communities to grow in realization of destructive behaviors and attitudes?

Sexual harassment is a major issue, millennial women seem to have a better ability to call it out, but many are still caught in the power differential. How to complain without losing my job, not getting the promotion or a raise? How to figure out if I’m just being a prude or can’t take a joke? How to get men as an active part of the process?

These are conversations we need to continue, keep in the forefront of American dialogue, creating frameworks and solutions to solve these dilemmas. Women for decades, for centuries, have been scrapping for their rights and it seems we might be getting somewhere. It’s about time.

 

 

What Is That State Patrolman Doing?

/ mmtichenor / Leave a comment

I watched as a State Patrol officer carefully navigated through the homeless camp. His cruiser parked on the side of the highway with lights flashing, the decrepit, makeshift tents tucked under scrubby trees and the litter everywhere gave an immediate impression of danger and courage. My eyes took this all in at high speed, his crisp, clean uniform, the way he was likely watching for sharp needles hidden in the dirt and weeds. I wondered, why was he there? Did someone call 911? There were no people I could see to meet him. He gingerly walked toward the tents. He was alone. This did not seem right on so many levels.

How did we get here? Here, where huge numbers of men, women, veterans and children are discarded on the side of the road. Here, where brave people are left to manage the “untouchables” in our society. Here, where the rest of us drive on around the corner feeling lost and hopeless to solve this problem.

I once suggested calling 911 over and over again, every time I saw a homeless person in distress, as a way to raise the call-in numbers and force more funding for the disenfranchised in our society. Is that the entry point to fixing this problem? Do we force the government to pay for more EMT’s to take these folks to the hospitals? Do we force a larger line in the budget to support social service agencies to hire more social workers to provide these folks with services that will turn their lives around? Do we agree to pay taxes toward care for these people that actually make a difference? How do we get the village to work this problem together because it can’t be done by individuals, it can’t be done by charities and churches and it can’t be done by a lone cop walking into who knows what kind of peril. If these solutions could work, we’d be all set by now.

If the average American were able to assist their son or daughter or sister or uncle to get help, it would have happened by now. We can no longer delude ourselves there are enough volunteers to manage this avalanche of need in our society. I am deeply grateful to our military and our police, our EMT’s and other First Responders and we can talk all day about how we honor these gritty and hardy frontline people, but until we back that up with broad support for all the jobs we ask them to do, our best intentions turn into platitudes.

We need to demand of our representatives a budget in congress that reflects our values and needs as a nation. It’s considered unpatriotic to question the military budget but this righteously imposed gag rule keeps the average American from really looking at the issue. It seems there are greedy folks working hard to keep us in the dark because knowledgeable Americans will upset the money making military machine. If the budget can’t take close scrutiny, especially the military budget, there must not be good answers to hard questions.

You may want to do some research on how the budget is spent, on who benefits from it’s current configuration, and notice the proposed budget gives more money to the military than even the pentagon requested. Why is that? Look at what is going on and send an email to your representative regarding your values. Ask for an audit of the military budget. The last time we did that, we discovered we were paying hundreds of dollars for one toilet or screwdriver. We can no longer be blind sheep.

If we had money in the budget for the struggling, the unlucky and the disadvantaged, that State Patrol Officer would be two officers with EMT’s and Social Workers at the ready to make an actual difference for the people who don’t know how or can’t seem to get their lives on track. We need The Helpers who create programs that work, places filled with care that we can still donate to, still volunteer for, but don’t have to worry about the backbone of the organization.

Wake up, look around. We are defining the Soul of America. Where do you come in? We solve these issues together. As One. See that police officer doing more than he should have to do. See the homeless on the street as people. And decide what you will do.

Then do it.