Hate groups: A cult comprised of people that cope with their fear by wrapping it up in a righteousness that blames others for their losses, real or imagined. The cult is usually headed by a leader who is narcissistic, controlling and in need of devotion. Those leaders prey on people who are lost and vulnerable.

People are sometimes so deeply afraid they are unable to see beyond their own fallacies. The stories of our families and communities run deep, from generation to generation, and as a result can be difficult to dispel especially when there are other factors that propel a person to a hate group such as a history of trauma, mental illness, addiction and a learned helplessness in an authoritarian environment.

People are sucked in with positive words such as patriotism, freedom, faith, moral, and right. These are words many believe in, cherish and strive to live by and yet we struggle with which avenue is the right way. Is the way one of love? Lately love seems powerless in the face of hatred as we watch people become co-opted by groups that spread fear, anger and loathing. Why doesn’t it seem obvious to those who get caught up? Perhaps, because they  grew up surrounded by fear, anger and hatred, so for them, it seems normal.

Much of the internet is obsessed with identifying Charlottesville white supremacists so they will be fired from their jobs. I get it. Punish them. Beat them down. This may seem like a great idea, but it’s not working. Since these groups function like a cult, they inculcate new members, usually young men, and feed them stories, fuel their rage and then turn them loose to create havoc in the world. It’s all very satisfying to have a righteous story of oppression and we play right into their hands when we respond with the knee jerk reaction such as losing your job.

Sometimes people ‘outed’ on the internet claim to be contrite and strive to find a better way. If true, these are the folks on the fringe, more easily reached and therefore maybe it is useful to publicly expose their faulty thinking. Then again, as with anything on the internet, how do we know the results of our actions?

Consider a police officer in Springfield, MA, Officer Conrad Lariviere who wrote on Facebook about the Charlottesville woman being run over by a white supremacist terrorist: ‘Hahahaha love this, maybe people shouldn’t block road ways.’ When confronted, Lariviere stated he’s a “good man who made a stupid comment.”

The lack of empathy and inability to see why that comment is more than just stupid is a major part of the problem. Even though Officer Lariviere may regret being caught, he may not regret the sentiment. He may lose his job and could see the loss of his job as just more evidence of how oppressive society has become. It could drive him closer to the dark, deep underground, which then creates an even greater eruption when hatred spews into the light of day again.

Maybe Officer Lariviere needs to lose his job as he clearly cannot treat people fairly, but maybe something else needs to happen as well. How do we keep Officer Lariviere moving toward the light of day? I think it can only happen with patience, persistence and a passion for connection and understanding. We need to understand how Officer Lariviere got to a place where that comment was funny.

White supremacists have emerged in the approving light of Donald Trump. The hope is to gain acceptance by using the media to promote their agenda. How to they accomplish their goals? Websites. Radio. Television. Friendly, family oriented feel. You are a part of our group. We will stand by you no matter what. You do that for us, no matter what. Loyalty. Then rally and demonstrate. In the last two, they hope for violence from the countergroup so they can prove that the left-sided, liberal fascists are really the problem. When we meet the racists where they are at, we lose. We give them the drama and destruction the media loves to report. This only plays into their hands. Clearly meeting hate with hate is not the answer.

So, what is the alternative? You’re going to think I’ve sniffed a too many flowers, drunk too much love potion and sung Kumbaya around the campfire too many times, but, yes, the solution is to reach out in love.

What do I mean by that? I don’t mean the usual definition by some of bleeding hearts with hands full of tax payer cash to give to able bodied people. Some ideas are to –

• Counter white supremacy demonstrations with ‘Stand Ins’ or ‘Sing Ins’ where people come to a protest or rally silently, stand a few feet apart from each other but in a group, in peaceful contrast to the hate spewing from the demonstrators. There would be no interaction, they may even be blocks or more apart. People would have compassion and love in their hearts for the demonstrators and hold an intention for a solution to the hatred they are viewing, sing songs of coming together or maybe recite poems and prayers. The idea is to be a peaceful, loving presence.
• Start information campaigns to distribute accurate data regarding the issues in our society and how they might be overcome if we work together. Find or start an organization that either through technology or by campaigning door to door in small groups, aims to learn from people their issues and offers information for solving problems.
• Insist your school district have civics curriculum and educate regarding all the ‘isms’ starting in elementary school. Require education in what it means to be a citizen and how a citizen fulfills their role in a democracy.
• Call advertisers of racist websites, radio or other media to let them know you are boycotting their product and telling all the people you can reach to do the same. If the sources of information are disrupted or disappear, there is less opportunity for the cult leaders to find victims.

Ultimately, the answer lies in your own ability to calm, breathe, and move from a place of connection to yourself, the planet and her inhabitants. Look into your own hatred, righteousness and fear to see how you can find love. How will you express that love into the world? For, surely, now is the time.

 

 

There is one thing Americans need now more than ever if we are to survive the current times. It’s a characteristic long admired in our country. It was demonstrated time and again by Hollywood legend John Wayne who embodies this word. Every action film is based on this quality. It is familiar to us all, but we may not believe we have it.

Grit.

The good news is you don’t need to limp, full of bullet holes, through the gauntlet to get the bad guy.  You only need follow your heart, your questions, and find persistence. There is a formula for how to do this.

Angela Lee Duckworth, a teacher turned psychologist, has a TED talk and book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, which details what factors determine whether a student, or people in general, will succeed or fail. Grit, as it turns out, is more important than talent and IQ.

Let’s use this model to see how we might change our political circumstances. Each of us has a part to play in putting America right again. It may be an outer action or a more internal process but it’s important we each find our way. Many hands make light work and we need all hands on deck. Think about what is most troublesome to you about this new administration as you go through the four steps. It goes like this…

1. Look at what fascinates you. There are questions that bounce around your brain, that may leave for a time, but always return. They will generally be ‘what’, ‘how’, and ‘why’ questions. Why do people do that? What makes this work? How does a person… ? There are many Americans wondering about how we got into this current political climate. What are the civic questions that pull at you?
2. Decide on a question to answer and keep it a daily focus. Every day apply the skills and ideas you have to uncovering the reasons for what fascinates you. Continue to expand your skills, find answers and improve your personal best from one day to the next.
3. Make a connection between your question and how it fits with the greater good. If, for example, your burning question is to understand the ‘other guy’ you could do it for yourself and leave it there or you could also help others around you understand the ‘other guy’. When our passions have a greater purpose, we tend to have more grit.
4. Remember your brain is able to grow and change no matter your age. Recent science shows the brain is not fixed but always able to improve. Take heart your passions are something you can develop and build on. You are capable of your hearts desire and your abilities will improve over time with consistent effort.

Learning to stick with something is the One Thing that signals success in children and adults. It does not mean you have to stay with something if you lose passion, but do stick with something even if it seems too hard to accomplish. I know today’s America seems impossible and so scary, but we do have the capability to create the country we want to live in.

For me, ideas are my strong suit, writing is the passion I am developing and working on every day to get those ideas out in an effort to make the world a better place for everyone, specifically at this time, the America I hold so dear to my heart. I’m hoping to persist, to hold true to my fascinations and my faith, that I can achieve my goal.

Breathe deeply, focus on your passions, take time and energy to find the answers. This is the key to getting America back on track. I have faith in you.

 

Here is a short explanation of Duckworth’s findings.

 

Here is a longer interview from Google –

I’m back. Finally finished my taxes. Whew! So now I can focus on the good stuff which is getting this country back on track. Believe it or not, today, the good stuff comes from CSPAN. The messenger is Senator Marco Rubio.

This video shows the path to repairing our current dilemma – gridlock. There is no way to fix problems if our only option is to force our way on to others. Right now, in America, the political system is set up for just that, forced compliance with whoever has the reins at the moment. It’s not fair for Democrats or Republicans to cram their agenda through the legislature, the courts or the executive branch. Most people, when their party is out of office, hate this very phenomenon.

It is also part of what led us to the results of the last vote in November. Too avoid the gridlock of a Republican congress and a Democratic President, the country (of course, for more reasons that just this) got the Outsider. This gridlock occurs because the parties are in a not-what-you-want mode. Not anything. Ever.

Americans are hoping to be done with gridlock but are also keenly aware the Outsider may have been a huge mistake as we watch the destruction of all that has been created over the last two and a half centuries.  Nervous people are very aware our country may be in danger of decline or dissolution causing sleepless nights and major distractions (electronics mostly) during daylight hours. We need the answer of how to get out of the gridlock and it has nothing to do with singular control in politics and everything to do with people.

Someone is going to have to change the gridlock. Will it be Rubio? McCain? Graham? These are the only Republicans so far to show any signs of willingness to talk across the aisle or even criticize their own party. In today’s world, it will have to be a Republican because they are in charge and will need to set the new world in motion. It doesn’t seem we have any such brave souls yet, but I have faith in you to communicate what you want to your representatives. Only power hungry, corporate owned, we-don’t-care-about-you politicians, will be against this idea in the long run, if we are clear it’s what we want. Say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. It’s true most politicians fit the above description, so we need to look to fresh faces and give them new marching orders.

Along with the protests, marches and phone calls, send this most important message:   Figure out how to work with the other side.

There is only one way out. We have to talk to each other. We have to re-enter some uncomfortable words back into our vocabulary. Words like listening, compromise and negotiation. We need to explore new ideas, stop worrying about which political party gets credit and who is against who.

Take the Department of Education for example. There have been times when teachers complained the Feds had too much control of their classrooms. Cleaning out this department may go a long way to improving how school districts have control to handle their specific problems. On the other hand, if you are just dismantling and destroying, we have a major problem with the basic tenets of the American system. There must be discussion, exchange of ideas and the creation of a plan that brings in all sides.

What is the answer here? Conversation. Open, honest, all ideas on the table, discussion. Public debate on the pros and cons. Watching politicians work together. I know, you think I’ve had something really good for lunch, but this is the only direction that makes sense. The focus must change from my way to our way.

Want to have a functioning healthcare plan for Americans? Here’s the three step process:

1. Get an idea, a plan and a draft together of needed changes and potential solutions
2. Tell other pertinent people about your draft
3. Discuss the differences between your draft and the other drafts to create a plan that uses the best parts of everyone’s draft.

Then we give it a try, see what works and what doesn’t, then get together again to improve the plan. Easy Peasy. But only if we demand this of ourselves and our congresspeople. We must vote in people who will do this. It doesn’t really matter if they are Democratic or Republican ideas because ultimately they are just plans to solve American problems.

Start a conversation with your friends about how to ultimately change the political climate in this country, by being willing to listen, learn and work together. Look for “others” that are open to conversation. And share this video with everyone. Ask your friends – how can we make this happen?

Compromise is only a problem if your team has to WIN at all costs.  But then we all lose. Think about it.

It’s nearing the first anniversary of my mother’s death. She had a good, long life I remember fondly with twinges of sadness and a full heaping of gratitude. My mom had an unwavering desire to bring people together, to find the good in everyone and never to judge a person based on race, sexual orientation or anything else you can name. She joined the League of Women Voters as a young woman, fought hard for the rights of people and the environment. I learned a great deal following her around doing tasks such as going to the Children’s Hospital wishing well where we cleaned out the coins left by those generous and those despairing. She did not have much time with four kids in tow. She was devastated by the death of her husband, our dad, at a very young age, nevertheless, she persisted.

I listened to conversations around the dinner table on human and environmental rights, with varying political views creating some raucous and lively disagreements but through it all, she was determined people would speak civilly, with respect and an attempt to understand the other side. This at times was no easy task, nevertheless, she persisted.

Through subsequent trials and tribulations, she fought hard, went back to school, found work she loved. She volunteered and gave back to the community. She cared deeply for her friends and family. For a couple of decades she wrote a weekly ‘family letter’ intended to keep a wide range of siblings and step-siblings in touch with one another as we ran around the planet in our teens and twenties. She could have let it go, nevertheless, she persisted.

As a result, my step-siblings have nothing ‘step’ about them. We love each other and argue with each other as if the same blood runs through our veins. In a way isn’t it true? The same blood that goes through my veins runs through every human on the planet, from the same source of star dust, created and returned to the earth since the beginning of time. The people of this earth have had many struggles, nevertheless, we persisted.

I feel my mothers strong desire within myself, the urge to bring all kinds of people together, to listen carefully to one another, with respect and an attempt to understand the other side. Politics are the avenue for figuring out how to live together in a peaceful society. I think we have forgotten this simple fact. So, in honor of my mother, even though in this day and age this may seem an impossible task, I will not be deterred from doing all I can to make this world a better place. I have many who say to me, it’s impossible, we can’t move forward from here, the divisions are too wide. I have people who tell me I’m a dreamer and a naive idealist. Nevertheless, I persist.